My favorite love story? Pretty Woman. Released in 1990, this movie may have shaped my outlook in life. When I was in my slimmest, around second year college, I learned to dress rather inappropriately. Donning halter tops with low necklines, despite having no cleavage to show off; going backless even if summer has passed; wearing short shorts to school when it wasn’t the norm, unlike today. We all have that “finding yourself” phase, right? While some were turning emo, goth, rebellious, religious, etc, I was aspiring to be a Vivian.
In my French 10 class, for our group’s skit I volunteered to play a hooker so I could say “voulez vous coucher avec moi, c’est soi” (would you like to sleep with me tonight). A decade later, for my first public pole performance in saGuijo, I picked the song ‘It Must Have Been Love’ by Roxette to dance to. Only after rewatching Pretty Woman months later did I realize it was on the soundtrack; the song was embedded in my subconscious. I had my hair permed several times (Vivian was a curly redhead) and I loved seeing sports cars (remember the first part of the film?). Unlike her though, I’ve had no boyfriend since birth. NBSB at 29 years old. Now, wouldn’t it be nice if a rich good-looking salt-and-pepper haired guy sweeps me off my feet, just like in the movie?
Flings. Relationshits. I’ve had those… But never an actual boyfriend. Of the only two boys I adored, upon seeing each of them for the first time, Ma had the first labeled “a bad boy” and the other “a waste of your time.” Right on both counts she was, in the sense that the former was bad because he was paasa (wasn’t into me but somehow acted like it) and the latter was a waste of time because after all my effort he never meant to make himself available (let’s just say it’s complicated). For those who know me, I’m sure you are aware of how passionate and dedicated I can be on whatever I set my mind to. For those closer to me, you’ve witnessed my journeys and given me counsel, which I heeded, oftentimes when it was too late and my heart’s already broken. What can I say. Such is life, eh?
I might as well be a pre-teen with a crush on a K-Pop artist. It was obvious to everyone at work that I was doe-eyed on this guy (he was hot, btw). If I were a dog, I would be following his car outside the gate and going gaga when it comes back. My tail would be wagging wildly every time I see him and I’d be salivating. I took every single chance I got to woo him. I myself have never been courted before (up to now, fyi) but I gave him peanut butter sandwich and a little stuff toy for crying out loud. I almost offered him flowers. Wait, I did! In jest though because by that time I knew we simply could not be. Ida O. Friendzoned. Well, at least I got a ride home after work almost everyday, hehe. And we’re still online buddies.
My thing with Bad Boy could be regarded as me twitterpated. Instead of a mere crush maybe I was just “in lust.” But this one… this one hurt. Because I was “in love.” I am not the kind of person who puts other people’s needs over my own. For this guy though, I believe I was entirely selfless — to the point that I was sacrificing time for my family and myself for him. I gave it everything I got, resting on the hope that someday, we can be together. Like soulmates or whatever. I endured the “complications” of my relationship with him. Too bad I pushed it; we could’ve hit it off as friends and everything could’ve gone well. My passion consumed me, blinded me. How can you blame someone for feeling love for the first time? It was after a year of trying that I realized I should give up the fight. The moment he said “thank you” instead of the three magic words, I felt it. I denied it at first. The truth was, we were over before we even began. It sucks, I know right. At least I can say I tried my best — I showered him with all the attention, loyalty, understanding and affection in the world. And in the words of John Lennon, “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”
It must have been love, but it’s over now…